Personal Development

Building Relationships #1

Not step one, and not necessarily the most important, although most certainly top 5.

Do what you say your going to do.

  • Manage expectations.
    • Don’t be overly optimistic, be realistic. 
  • Don’t make promises about things you can’t directly control.
  • If you think it will take a week don’t promise a week, give yourself a buffer. 
  • Communicate, Communicate, Communicate.
  • Don’t be late, if Siri says you’ll be there in 10 minutes let your party know you’ll be there in 15 minutes. 

I know there’s more but you get the point. What am I missing? 

Posted by Gary in Leadership, Personal Development, Practical

Action Cures Fear

In my last post I mentioned a sign my first sales manager had in his office. It’s a quote from David J. Schwartz. 

“Action Cures Fear”

It’s from the  book “The Magic of Thinking Big“. When David sets up the quote he acknowledges that fear is real. Telling yourself it’s only in your mind doesn’t help. Rationalizing and trying to talk yourself into action doesn’t help. The hesitation only “fertilizes your fear” and makes it grow. 

He then goes on to tell the story of sailers during WW II. Non swimming sailors were required to jump off of a 6 ft diving board into 8 feet of water. Once they hit the water the fear was cured. 

If you’ve not read Mel Robbins excellent book “The 5 Second Rule” you should pick it up. It’s a life changing idea. Profound in its brilliance and simplicity. When special ops soldiers are getting ready to do something crazy they start counting down from 5 and when they reach 1 they take action. This interrupts your subconscious mind, which is designed to keep you safe not to help you grow, and allows you to do something that will stretch you and in the process begin to re-wire your brain. 

There was another sign in my managers office that read:

“If you don’t have anything to do,
don’t do it here!”.

It took me awhile to really understand this one. I, at first, thought it meant don’t stand in my office and waste my time. But what it really meant was get out of the office and go, as he would say “get in amongst em”. Go get coffee and talk to people, go to the mall and shop and introduce yourself to people. No agenda just be friendly, look for ways to help people, ways to connect people with solutions.

Make sure you are focused on Income Producing Activities. Know what your avoidance activities are, acknowledge them, and re-focus. Make your calendar your boss. Schedule administrative activities and schedule Income Producing Activities. Do you know what yours are? What are the top 3 activities that get you paid? I guarantee it’s not organizing your filing system. What is your Prolific Quality Output? 

If you don’t know the answers to these questions and you would like help. Reach out to me. I’d love to help. I get it, I’ve been there. Let me know in the comments what your Avoidance Activities are and how you will take action this week to re-focus. 

Posted by Gary in Coaching, Personal Development, Practical

The Hardest Part is Starting

In her book “Better Than Before”, Gretchen Rubin said:

“Don’t Get it Perfect, Get it Going.”

Have you ever thought about what it takes to move a train? It starts by getting the engine moving. The engine engages the first coupler which moves the first car and then the next and then the next until the entire train is in motion. If you’ve ever watched this it’s sounds like a bunch of clicks as it gets going. It starts out slow and then the momentum is difficult to stop.

So it is with us. Once we get moving the other pieces start to come together. Resources and relationships we had forgotten about, or didn’t know we had, begin to move with us as we slowly build momentum and it happens because we choose to create motion.

Newtons first law of motion or, the law of inertia, gives us further insight. According to NASA the law states: 
“A body at rest will remain at rest unless an outside force acts on it, and a body in motion at a constant velocity will remain in motion in a strait line unless acted upon by an outside force.”

You are the outside force. Here are 3 things that fuel you.

The first is absolute clarity. 

  • Get a crystal clear vision of what you want?
  • What will it look like when your finished?
  • How will you feel when you have it?
  • How will having it impact those around you?

The second is knowing why.

  • What will change when you have the thing your hesitating to start?
  • Why is it important?
  • Why is it necessary now?

The third is Courage.

In my first sales job my sales manager had a sign that said “Action Cures Fear.” Since then I’ve learned “The Learning is in the Doing.” You have to find the courage to take bold action. Once you start the fear subsides as you build confidence and learn while doing. Once you’ve answered the questions above stoke the fire and take bold action. 

There’s a Latin Proverb “Fortes Fortuna Juvat”.

Fortune (luck) Favors the Bold.

Nobody is served by your playing small. Get clarity, know why, and find the courage to take the first step and watch what happens. Don’t wait for perfection, or until you learn more, or build a bigger list, or get the right connections. Take the first step. Do the next right thing. 

Let me know in the comments what you’ve been putting off and what first step you’re going to take.

Posted by Gary in Personal Development

How The Person I Want To Be Handles This?

When you find yourself in a tough situation, ask yourself the question.

“how would the person I want to be handle this?”

Several months ago my coach asked me to get clear on two things:
What do I want?
Who do I want to be?

He said “get crystal clear on these two things, and then live into them.”

At the time I thought I knew what he meant but later I realized I only partially understood what he meant. One of the ways to “live into” who you want to be is to ask yourself that question every time you find yourself in a place of decision. Whether it’s a tough spot or just decision time.

Ask yourself “how would the person I want to be handle this.”

Try it out, let me know how it works.

Posted by Gary in Coaching, Personal Development, Practical

You Are One of “Those” People.

Success is not a matter of Luck.

Are you ready to make a positive choice what you want? Are you finished with hoping and relying on luck? Let me know what you’re going to do.

Posted by Gary in Leadership, Pastoral Care, Personal Development, Practical